[SpamCop-Social] Holiday Eating Tips

[Heidi]

 Thou shalt not skim flavor from the holidays
               By Craig Wilson, USA TODAY

  I hate this time of year. Not for its crass
    commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's
    the season when the food police come out with their
    wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through
    the holidays without gaining 10 pounds.

 You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of
   holiday eating do's and don'ts.  Eliminate second
   helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with
   butter, they say.  Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say.

 Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of
    Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't
    mine, either. A carrot was something you left for
    Rudolph.

  I have my own list of tips for holiday eating.  I
    assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and
    happy.  So what if you don't make it to New Year's?
    Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.

            1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them.  Anyone who
                   puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing
                   of  the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
                   leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving
                   rum balls.

            2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.
                   Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's
                   even rarer than single-malt scotch.  You can't find it
                   any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
                   that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?  It's not as
                   if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or
                   something. It's a treat.  Enjoy it. Have one for me.
                   Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

             3. If something comes with gravy, use it.  That's the
                   whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour
                   it on.  Make a volcano out of  your mashed potatoes.
                   Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.

             4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made
                   with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why
                   bother? It's like buying a sports car with an
                   automatic transmission.

             5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an
                   effort to control your eating. The whole point of
                   going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's
                   food for free. Lots of it.  Hello? Remember college?

             6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between
                    now and New Year's. You can do that in January when
                    you have nothing else to do.  This is the time for
                    long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet
                    table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that
                    vat of eggnog.

             7. If you come across something really good at a
                    buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the
                    shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them
                    and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
                    becoming the center of attention. They're like a
                    beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind.
                    You're not going to see them again.

             8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a
                     slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have
                     two apples and one pumpkin.  Aways have three.
                     When  else  do you get to have more than one dessert?
                     Labor Day?

             9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's
                     loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but
                     avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards,
                    mate.

             10. And one final tip:  If you don't feel terrible
                     when you leave the party or get up from the table, you
                      haven't been paying attention.  Reread tips. Start
over.

             But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the
                  corner!

             P.S.  At least you can ORDER Girl Scout cookies in
                     January.  Just knowing that a truckload of Thin
                    Mints is on its way is somehow comforting.

Happy Holidays!